Every family has been living a life tailored by certain rules passed on to them by their ancestors. There is no real meaning to those rules as most of them are governed and approved by society.

The core problem with most of our familial upbringing is the two rules that have been followed from the very beginning of time and passed on generation after generation.

The Two Rules

So, these are the two rules that are destroying your family.

The first rule is ‘Societal Image/Pressure’

and the second is ‘Ego/Self-Pride.’

In fact, today most of the decisions of a family are driven by these two rules.

The heads of the family – typically the fathers – are driven by Ego/Self-Pride (Rule 2), and they maneuver their family to live up to the Societal Image/Pressure (Rule 1).

The typical effects of this would be: the kids are not allowed to pick what they want to study, the women of the house are not allowed to speak their minds and put action to their dreams, and the old folks of the family are not allowed to express their hearts full of emotions as they are always brushed off and tagged as ‘repetitive braggers.’

Family dinners and get-togethers are just about food, small talk, and absolutely no soul-sharing. Mind you, no one is to blame; it’s just the way it’s been. And nor does anyone want to change. The art of living never comes easily to people riding high on their two-rule horses.

My Learnings

What I learned from a recent setback is to learn the art of humanity. These are my learnings on how I have found peace in what looked like a setback but was actually a path to a simple, real, and positive life.

1. Soul First
Treat each and every family member as a human being first, a soul who has a heart, mind, and voice of their own. After you understand this, you can attach the relative values to them – that of a son, daughter, father, or mother.

Don’t power-play your role of superiority in any way, and never downplay any family member by their age, maturity, or relation.

2. Listen
The toughest thing to do is to listen to your loved ones void of any judgments. Cultivate a culture where one can speak freely and openly on anything and everything. Listening and understanding their hearts and minds will help you live a life full of positivity.

Don’t barricade their thoughts with fear, anger, and lists of ‘don’t do’s.’

3. Be Happy Within
Find happiness in the things that you do, and support people who wish to be who they are and do what they want in their lives. Be part of their happiness and find yours in theirs. Let the soul be. Don’t compare decisions with those of societal benchmarks. Never let societal pressure get in the way of your family and your happiness.

4. Find a Way to Heal
Every setback is an opportunity to learn and heal. Without any terms and conditions, open your arms and embrace the person who has so-called ‘wronged’ you. Give them an opportunity to think, feel, and emote. Sometimes some elements from within and external factors encourage a person to do something that they know is good for them but that’s wrong in the world’s view.

The world does not matter here; it’s only you who can help that person from feeling tarnished, abandoned, or doomed. Agreed that we too will be in pain because of an unexpected development or action, but healing is a positive way of accepting reality and dealing with it constructively. Healing is forgiving. Touch base with humanity – your true self, your innermost voice. Learn to heal.

Don’t call names, blame, tarnish, or do everything to negate yourself from reality. Be real.

5. Respect Women

Always respect the women in your house. It could be your mother, grandmother, sister, a 2-year-old niece, or your maid – it could be anyone. Understand that they are a powerhouse, the lifeline of the family, and the ones who can withstand any storm even without your presence.

Always cater to their needs first; give them all the love and support you can. Simple things can give them a load full of happiness. A well-educated, well-respected woman in a family can build an unmatchable legacy for years to come.

Don’t undermine them, and never ever downplay their existence. Don’t tag them for being home-sloggers or home-clerks.

Start Now.

To achieve a simple, peaceful, and positive life, one must unlearn all the hard-lined rules and templates set by the family. These rules are a weak foundation for leading a good life.

Unchain yourself from these ‘traditions’ and live life in reality; live life now. Respect every soul in your house for who they are within and not what the outside world wants them to be.

It’s never too late to start. Lead your family to a life full of joy, happiness, and simple pleasures.