Every family has been living a life tailored by certain rules passed on to them by their ancestors. There are no real meaning to those rules as most of them are governed and approved by society.
The core problem with most of our familial upbringing are the 2 rules that have been followed from the very beginning of time and passed on generation after generation.
The 2 Rules
So, these are the Two Rules that are destroying your family.
The first rule is that of the ‘Societal image / pressure’ and the second is the ‘Ego/Self-pride’.
Infact, today most of the decisions of a family are driven by these two rules. The heads of the family – typically the fathers are driven by Ego/Self Pride (Rule 2) and they maneuver their family to live up to the Societal Image / Pressure (Rule 2).
The typical effects of this would be – The kids are not allowed to pick what they want to study, the women of the house are not allowed to speak their mind and put action to their dreams, the old folks of the family are not allowed to express their heart full of emotions as they always brushed off and tagged as ‘repetitive braggers’. Family dinners and get-togethers are just about food, small talk and absolutely no soul sharing. Mind you noone is to blame, its just the way its been. And nor does anyone want to change. The art of living never comes easily to people riding high on their 2 rule horses.
What I learnt from a recent setback is to learn the art of humanity. These are my learnings of how I have found peace in what looked like a setback, but was actually a path to a simple, real and positive life.
1. Soul First
Treat each and every family member as a human being first, a soul who has a heart, mind and voice of own. After you understand this you attach the relative values to them – that of a son, daughter, father, mother.
Don’t power-play your role of superiority in any way, and never downplay any family member by their age, maturity or relation.
The toughest thing to do is to listen to your loved one void of any judgements. Cultivate a culture where one can speak freely and openly on anything and everything. Listening and understanding their hearts and minds will help you live a life full of positivity.
Don’t barricade their thoughts with fear, anger and list of ‘don’t do’s’. Never
3. Be Happy Within
Find happiness in things that you do, and support people who wish to be how they are and what they want to do in their live. Be part of their happiness and find yours in theirs. Let the soul be. Don’t compare the decision with that of the societal benchmarks. Never let societal pressure get into the way of your family and your happiness.
4. Find a way to heal
Every setback is an opportunity to learn and heal. Without any terms and conditions open your arms and embrace the person who has so called ‘wronged’ you. Give them an opportunity to think, to feel, to emote. Sometimes some elements from within and external encourage a person to do something that they know is good for them, but that’s wrong in the world view. The world does not matter here, it’s only you who can help that person from feeling tarnished, abandoned or doomed. Agreed that we too will be in pain because of an unexpected development or action, but healing is a positive way of accepting reality and dealing with it in a positive way. Healing is forgiving. Touch base with humanity – your true self, your innermost voice. Learnt to Heal.
Don’t call names, blame, tarnish and do everything to negate yourself from reality. Be real.
5. Respect women
Always respect the women in your house. It could be your mother, grandmother, sister, a 2 year old niece, your maid – It could be anyone. Understand that they are a powerhouse, the lifeline of the family and the ones who can withstand any storm even without your presence. Always cater to their needs first, give them all the love and support you can. Simple things can give them a load full of happiness. A well educated, well-respected woman in a family can build an unmatchable legacy for years to come.
Don’t undermine them and never ever downplay their existence. Don’t tag them for being home-sloggers and home-clerks.
To achieve a simple, peaceful and positive life one must unlearn all the hardlined rules and templates set by the family. These rules are weak a foundation towards leading a good life. Unchain yourself from these ‘traditions’ and live life in real, live life now. Respect every soul in your house for who they are within and not what the outside world wants them to be.
It’s never to late to start. Lead your family to a life full of joy, happiness and simple pleasures.