Get better at relationships with the 5 Sec Toning Down Method

get better at relationships Prashant pillai

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Over the years, bringing up my child, my daughter Aathira,  I have learned the art of patience. And the 5 Sec Toning Down mode is a contributor to my overall progress as a human being. This simple approach has also made me get better at relationships.

Before I start to explain its benefits, let me tell you what this method has made me realize.

I’ve learnt how rude,  how inhuman, how emotionally stubborn and ruthless of a person I can be.

Not that I was meant to be like this for her.

But just the way I was conditioned in this world, made me rough.

And that roughness was passed on in bits and pieces to my growing child.

It was heart-wrenching.

It took a lot of unlearning.

It took a lot of understanding. And it took a lot of emotional turbulence to get to the stage to realize that you have to respect a human being first. You have to learn to empathize with them.

And it’s that simple.

It’s this simple need and requirement of my child who expects me to be a human being who helps her.

One who can make her feel safe and secure.

This whole learning changed my mindset.

It helped me rebuild my character, and be the person that brought only the best in me.

I started being considerate about other people’s thoughts and emotions. I judged them less. And just let them be.

So, this thought of taking care of a child or caring for people around you comes from my own relationship and experiences with my daughter.

Most of this transformation can be credited to the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode.

What is the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode

Toning Down Mode is a process which empowers your mind and you to make an informed decision to the situation that’s ahead of you.  Toning Down Mode is something that I shaped up as a simple format so that you can follow.

Why Toning Down?

Toning Down because when you are thrown into an awkward situation, it’s natural for you to react. And most of the time, your reaction would have caused huge damage to the other person and you emotionally. So Toning Down is like calming you down before you make a hasty reaction.

Who should use the Toning Down Mode?

This is a much-needed mode for those who find it difficult to practice mindfulness and self-awareness. It’s your Practising this mode comes in handy for people in stress and constant pressures.

How to Apply the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode to get better at relationships  

Before you are going to take a drastic decision to a situation presented to you, you have to tone yourself down.

That’s done by following these steps…

1. Pause

2. Step back

3. Reflect

4. Ask – Do you want to Help or Hurt

5. Respond

Mind you, all of this happens in a flash of 5 seconds.

Each step above takes a second for you to tone yourself down.

Let me take you through each of these steps.

1. Pause

When you Pause, you are switching on the self-awareness mode.

2. Step back

When you Step Back, you are giving yourself an opportunity to make the right decision.

3. Reflect

When you Reflect, you are reviewing the situation ahead of you.

4. Ask – Do you want to Help or Hurt

When you Ask this question to yourself – Do you want to help or hurt the person? You are assuring yourself of making a well-balanced decision.

5. Respond

And finally, the way you’ll respond will work in favour of what the situation deserves.

The real power of the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode

The power of the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode lies in how you respond to Step 4.

In my experience, you will always choose to Help the Person over Hurt the person.

And choosing empathy over anger alone can transform your life.

How will you deal with this situation ?

Let me give you an example from my house. I’m sure you can relate to this.

My child is nagging at me and wants me to play with her.

Now I’m in the middle of some important work. Glued into the laptop screen. Crunching in some numbers. Stressing out to get to the desired outcome.

As I’m struggling to work, I have my child, nagging me.

All she wants is for me to play with her.

And I’ve told her “in 20 mins I’ll be with you”

But she ‘does not get it’.

And her nagging rises in intensity.

And I lose my cool and scream at her.

Scold Her.

Give her a timeout for the rest of evening.

And warn her not to bug me again.

To top it, I might end it with a threatening statement “If you do it once again, you’ll not be taken to the weekend outing I promised – forever”

This is a normal thing for us to do. I’ve done it too.

But the same situation looks completely calming when handled with the 5 Sec Toning Down Mode.

To address my nagging child, I’ll tone myself down.

I’ll pause.

Step back.


Ask this question whether I want to help my child, or I want to hurt my child.

And for all the goodness that’s the hidden somewhere deep down inside of me, I will choose to help my child.

And then I’ll respond to her.

I’ll help my child by understanding what she needs. My response to her will be filled with empathy.

Away from my laptop, with full focus on her, I’ll tell her.

“I understand you need me to play with you now. Do you think it’ll be a good idea if I can finish off this work of mine in the next few minutes so that I can spend the rest of the evening with you? I really want to play with you, can you help me with that?”

“Yes Acha” “But come fast, I’m waiting”

And Boom. It’s Nirvana.

See how the Toning Down mode helped the situation.

Trying to understand the situation from her side, from her perspective. And coming up with an amicable solution to the problem worked.

With this simple mode, you will immediately set a path for yourself, to have a harmonious relationship with your kid.

And it’s not just children.

5-second Toning Down Mode in daily lives

Even though this works wonders with children.

You can apply this mode of any and all of your daily life situations.

This Mode will teach you to be more mindful and self-aware. It’ll help you overcome your life’s biggest ‘misery’ situations.

And in the process, you’ll get better at relationships. It will make you an understanding parent, husband, friend, brother, sister, child. It’ll shape you into a better human being.

Your Takeaway

Apply this in the next situation that comes your way.

And share your experience by writing in the comments below.

The best replies here will get a Super Suprise Gift from me.

The gift could be a free coaching call, an Amazon gift voucher, a free enrolment to my paid course and much more.

The only requirement is, you have be true to yourself.

Go ahead, try it out and let me know how it went.

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