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I’ve been observing a disturbing staple tone in these mournings, obituaries and statements when someone’s life ends abruptly.
All of them try to either push the blame on the person’s mental stability or take the blame upon themselves or upon the community. They are all poetic, warm and emotional. But in most cases, they do not mean anything.
It’s because they do not care.
And there is a reason for that.
Through this post, I wanted to share the importance of emotional self-care, that can help you and all those people whom you care about.
Three things I want to share today.
- The fake concerns and why no one cares
- The best way to help someone
- The way forward
Let’s dive in.
The fake concerns and why no one cares
You cannot guess what’s going inside a person’s mind. No one can.
All these concerns and messages pouring in now means nothing.
So when people share “I could have..” “We could have done more …” and all other lyrical tributes all seem a good read, but they will never action their words in real life.
They don’t care. In fact, no-one cares.
They have got enough emotional crap inside of them that they are in no state to offer any kind of help or support.
Most have got enough turbulence and friction inside of them that’s too much for them to handle. They themselves are in a wormhole with unresolved issues. Add to that having pre-notions and fixed judgements about people and situations.
When I’m asked why I didn’t move to Mumbai, I say – “I don’t like the people”.
That place is capable of making you feel lonely and unwanted even if you are in a room filled with 100 people whom you know and who are your ‘friends’.
This is my experience. Over the years I’ve heard variations of this from people whom I know.
And yet they decide to hold on thinking they will be able to turn around their fortune.
And that fortune at the risk of being someone else.
I’m glad I didn’t have that quest. And neither should anyone else.
Especially if you are sensitive and you wish to keep your sanity and integrity in place.
Everyone is playing ego games with a dreaded evil mask. Everyone knows this truth and they still choose to play this game by being the nastiest they can be. That’s the only way to win.
It’s not that people are born like that. They learn to fool themselves and quickly become one among them.
And when you try to be genuine you are conveniently ignored and labelled as a fake.
Now this plagued mindset is not just unique to Mumbai or limited to any industry. It is spread all over.
You should be aware of it and must know how to stay away from it.
And that takes me to the next thing I wanted to share.
The best way to help someone
It’s simple – the best way to help someone is to first help yourself.
You need to cleanse your mind. Clear off all the emotional baggage yourself first before empathising by saying “yes, I go through this too”.
Why are you going through this stress, anxiety and depression in the first place? And how exactly are you qualified to detect and help ‘someone in need’? Why should someone listen to you just because you can be poetic in expressing your emotions?
No-one is qualified to offer a helping hand to those in need or even comment or judge an unfortunate outcome. First, fix yourself.
Know your reality first by knowing yourself.
Practice self-awareness. And meditation can help you with that.
Yes, that ‘boring’ thing called meditation.
Last I witnessed, it has changed many lives, including mine.
After you meditate, practice emotional journaling.
This is a process to write down every single emotional friction you have. And find a way to resolve it.
The most practical way to resolve your worries is by asking “How can I solve this issue?”
There will be a straight answer you will get. Do whatever it takes to settle the issue.
If that’s something you don’t want to do, and you want to avoid resolving it, you need to step back and mind-settle the issue.
You have to learn to emotionally detach from that issue.
Write down that “I’m fine with this ‘problem’ and I’m aware it has been of grave concern for me. But now I will not let it bother me, as I want to put it to rest. I’m ok with this situation as it is, I do not have hate or any negative energy or emotion attached to it. I will not direct any more focus and attention towards it. I’m at peace with it”
Not just writing something like this, you have to practice it too if you want to rest the issue.
So when you tick off all these frictions in your head you will tone down, you will start to feel calmer. You naturally will become more self-aware. You will get into a state of self-care.
You will understand all things that are important to you. You will care for yourself better.
And now, you will be in a state to express your most candid compassion and love.
When you are in this best emotional state, whatever words and actions you render will be received by people who need it the most.
The best way forward: Emotional Self Care (4 steps)
I want you to feel good first before you go out taking care of other people’s emotions. I want you to learn the best way forward is emotional self-care.
I’ve listed them down in four steps that you can follow. And preferably follow it in the same order.
For the sake of simplicity, I’ve dumbed down the core concepts in a way that you can start practising from right now.
I can assure you, you will feel better at-least by 1%, and that’s a good start – right?.
Step 1 : Meditate :
You will meditate. Meditation with no music, ambient sounds, headphones etc.
Just sit in place and meditate for a minimum of 20 minutes and scale all the way up to an hour and upwards.
The idea of this meditation is to simply be, let thoughts, noises, disturbances bother you – you don’t budge. Meditate and let all these things pass by. Be like a solid rock when you meditate, that’s it.
Step 2 : Emotional Journaling :
Write down all your thoughts, worries and concerns.
Write down every little friction that bothers you – people, tasks, emotions, things, places etc.
Step 3 : Resolving the Friction :
Now take everything that you have written in that journal and resolve it.
Just like solving a math problem. Don’t put too much thought into it, apply logic – get the answer and throw that friction out of your system.
Step 4 : Practicing self-awareness :
This can be hard if you do not follow the first 3 steps.
However, there is an alternate workaround, and that is by penning down your emotions.
Write down how you feel, what you are feeling, why you are feeling that when you feel weird, happy, sad, scared.
Capture those emotions there and then. You’ll be surprised to see how unnecessarily you worry or get super happy for things that actually don’t deserve that much of your energy.
Being self-aware is a superpower. It is the first step to becoming the best version of yourself.
I wish you learn to embrace who you are first, celebrate it and then invite others who can learn from you. Emotional self-care is important, and what I’ve learnt is what I‘ve shared.
Life is simple enough if you choose to do all the tough things to conquer it.
What I’ve shared here is just one portion of it, there are so many more new experiences awaiting us – to help us learn and progress our life forward.
If you wish to dive in a bit deeper I have a course that covers all that I have shared here. It’s a free course titled ‘Take Control Framework‘. It is something I designed around the concepts and strategies that I have learnt over the years. There are over 100 students who have taken this course, and it can definitely help you in your current journey.